Life is hard sometimes and good humor plays a role in cheering you up in those hard days. Some of us love to dig into the darkest holes of our minds. Not everyone likes dark humor jokes nor do they have that sense of humor to understand them. People find dark humor disgusting but research has shown that those who enjoy dark humor jokes are more intelligent than others.
Are you looking for the best dark humor jokes? You’ve landed at the right spot. Dark humor is a different type of humor that everyone does not find funny and most of them are not even comfortable listening to the dark jokes. People also called it black humor or black jokes while some even consider them to be offensive.
Before moving forward just keep in mind one thing that dark humor jokes are twisted, uncomfortable, gross and offensive. And still, if you have a flair for dark humor then what are you waiting for? Just go ahead and enjoy them to the fullest.
We’ve made comprehensive research and find the best dark humor jokes for you. Here’s a warning before digging in. This article is based on the collection of dark humor based on those sensitive parts of life that we barely discuss like death, disease, disaster, depression, etc. However, to desensitize yourself, why not look at the funny side of them? Let’s begin!
List of the Best Dark Humor Jokes
1. The priest asked, “Do you have any last wish?”
The murderer sitting on the electric chair answered “Yes, Please hold my hand.”
2. It’s important to have good vocab. If I knew the difference between antidote and anecdote before, one of my best friends would still be alive.
3. What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.
4. Why don’t cannibals eat comedians?
Dude! Simple, because comedians taste funny.
5. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
6. What do you call an inexpensive circumcision?
7. My daughter, who is a budding astronomist, asked me how stars died?
“Usually an overdose,” I replied
8. I’ve got a fish that can do breakdance.
But only once in it’s life and just for 20 seconds.
9. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time before taking a group photo.
10. A man went into a library and wanted to borrow a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian replied: “I am sorry, we do not lend to high risk customers.”
11. My boss wished me to have a good day.
So I just went come back home.
12. I work with animals,” the guy said to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I like a man who loves animals. What do you do?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.
13. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
14. I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
15. Before ordering food in a restaurant I’ve asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken?
He explained: Nothing special, we just whisper in their ears that they’re going to die.
16. Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
17. The guy who stole my personal diary died yesterday.
My thoughts are now staying with his family.
18. I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
19. Don’t break anyone’s heart as they have only one.
But don’t worry about breaking the bones which are 206 in total!
20. Why did you miss the funeral?
Well, I’m not a mourning person.
21. I hope death is a girl.
So that it’ll never come to me.
22. What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
23. Cigarettes are best for the environment.
Because they kill humans.
24. Which part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
25. Everyone talks about starting families but there’s no guidance about ending them.
26. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work
Very Dark Humor Jokes – Orphans
1. Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
2. My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals
3. My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
4. What is common between my dad and Nemo?
Both are hard to find.
5. I’ve bought a stepladder because my real ladder left me alone when I was a toddler
6. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I cooked brussels sprouts because they don’t live in a swing state.
7. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
8. I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?
9. What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
10. What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Funniest Dark Humor Jokes about Family
1. My wife warned me that she’ll bang my head into the keyboard.
if I don’t close the computer within 5 minutes. To be honest, I’m not too worried. I think shesjvnsfuinfkutf
2. Yesterday my wife left a note on the fridge “This is not working” has written over it.
Well, I don’t know what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine.
3. Last night, my wife asked me to get her lipstick. I accidentally gave her a colored gluestick.
She’s still not talking to me.
4. Today was an extremely bad day. My ex had an accident with a bus. and I lost my bus driver’s job.
5. A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and remarks irritated, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
6. I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in the first place
7. My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
8. My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste.”
9. A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
10. A guy walks with his girlfriend through the woods. The girl turns to him and says, “it’s really dark and I’m scared.” The guy replies, “How do you think I feel? I will have to walk back alone.”
Really Dark Humor Jokes about Doctors
1. Patient: Wait, doctor! I’m extremely nervous, you see this is my first operation.
Doctor: Relax! Mine too.
2. Patient: Where are we going?
Doctor: To the mortuary.
Patient: Wait what? but I’m still alive!
Doctor: Relax we are not there yet.
3. My psychologist died yesterday.
He was so good that I didn’t feel anything about his death.
4. Doctor: Hey! I have had both good and bad news for you.
Patient: Tell me the good news first
Doctor: Your test results came back and you just have two days left to live.
Patient: Wait! What? What is the bad news then?
Doctor: Unfortunately I’ve been trying to call you for two days.
5. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
it does if you throw it hard enough
6. Dentist: Take a deep breath because it might hurt a little.
Patient: I’m ready.
Dentist: I’m having an affair with your wife.
7. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Hey! Are you still here? This shows that you’re really into very dark humor jokes. Do you have any suggestions about any funny dark humor jokes that you want us to add? Just comment on your favorite ones below. We hope you enjoy these best dark humor jokes. Have a fun-filled day!
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