Disrespectful, moody, and rebellious teenagers are common. Tantrum-throwing toddlers are even more common. But a fully grown up adult misbehaving and being rude to their parents? Not acceptable. The difference between these three categories of children is that the first two are generally accepted in our society. People see them as ‘phases’ one usually grows out of. However, if the rude behavior persists through adulthood, not only it becomes unsightly but also causes major issues in a person’s life. Do you often think to yourself, why is my grown son so mean to me? Or how should I deal with my disrespectful daughter? You never stop being a parent. Once you have children, you’re responsible for teaching them throughout your entire life. It is no wonder then, that more and more parents are looking for ways to deal with disrespectful grown children who Ignore their parents. That’s why here are some helpful tips on how to deal with a disrespectful grown child.
We’ve highlighted some basic reasons why you might be facing this problem and how to go on about resolving it.
Firstly, Understand The Reason Behind Grown Children Disrespecting Parents
There could be many reasons behind when grown children disrespectful to parents. It’s never just one cause which you can resolve overnight. Take a look at these common reasons for adult children being rude to parents or spoiled adult children.
Lack of Independence
As children grow into adult, they need their own personal space. Lack of Independence is a major reason kids grow disrespectful. Not having their own space, feeling invalidated, not having their opinions considered, lack of freedom in making their own choices – all contribute to resentment towards parents. Furthermore, they become rude to their parents if you try to force them into things against their likeness.
Facing Problems in their Adult Life
A grown child is an adult with his or her responsibilities and pressures. Possibly, he/she may not handle the stresses of life in a healthy manner. Sometimes, rudeness is a mere indication that they did not have a good day. No need to take it personally. If their behavior is a once in a blue moon thing, don’t immediately pivot to conclusions like I don’t like my grown daughter. But, if it happens repeatedly, it signals that you did not prepare them adequately for the responsibilities of adult life. And now they can’t manage it all.
This happens when you pamper your kid too much. Giving them everything they want and telling them they’re the best in the world is not always a good idea. What this does is make them feel entitled. As if, everything belongs to them and they can get it however they want. The trouble comes when they go into the real world and realize it’s not true. Their unrealistic worldview chatters and they blame parents for this. In fact, entitlement is one of the toxic daughter signs and you must be prepared to deal with this behavior.
Poor Coping Skills
Having problems at university and work is part of being an adult. If your child has poor problem-solving and coping skills, they’re likely to take it out on others. In this instance, the parents, other family members and friends.
Not knowing How to Deal with their Emotions
Oftentimes, disrespectful adult children themselves not understand why they behave rudely. This means some issue at a subconscious level. They fail to identify the problem, become frustrated and take it out on others. Poor emotional regulation can manifest as snide remarks, rudeness, yelling and cursing, etc.
Moreover, this behavior is more common in adult sons who treat their mothers poorly. If you are the recipient of such conduct, you may think such thoughts like my grown son hates me.
Childhood Trauma or Emotional Abuse
One of the major causes for disrespect in adult children is childhood trauma. If you’ve been a neglectful and abusive parent, it’s no wonder they don’t respect you. They’re hurt. As adults, you no longer have power over them so now, they can show their anger and pain you caused them. This is especially true for children raised in emotionally abusive households.
A Different Value System
Adult children belong to a different generation, with different value system. What you consider disrespectful might just be them not adhering to the old-fashioned belief system. For example, not obeying a certain punishment you give them. They do not follow the moral values and rules of their parents. Growing children are exploring new things. They are looking at the world in an innovative way.
You all know that emerging adulthood is a relatively new concept. It refers to adults of 25 to 34 years old age still living with their parents. These adults are not studying, neither do they have an education. In short, they are adults but still acting like kids. Their life feels stagnant and they might blame their inability to cross prominent milestones on parents.
A Cry for Help
Disrespectful behaviors, especially in adults, is a cry for help. All the above mentioned reasons point out that they are suffering from problems of their own and don’t know to cope with them. If they only realize this, figuring out how to deal with a Disrespectful Grown child will become very easy.
11 Ideal Ways to Handle Disrespectful Adult Children!
Parents are the pillars of any child’s personality. A child is a complete reflection of his or her parents. In the life of children, every step is vital. And with parents holding their hands, each step can be conquered in a rightful manner. For parents, children are a never-ending array of hope. While for children, parents are the bridge connecting them to this very world. However, this beautiful relationship can easily be tainted by conflict, resentment and hatred. Loving kids can become grown children who Ignore their parents. Your daughter who once showered attention on you can become distant which will plague you with thoughts like, why is my grown daughter disrespectful or why is my grown daughter so mean to me?
When faced with rude behavior, there is no need to simply accept it. Learn how to deal with a disrespectful grown child in these 10 Easy Ways.
1. How to Stop Disrespect? Initiate a Healthy Conversation
If you’ve been wondering, “why is my grown son so mean to me?” The best method to figure it out is to simply ask. Observing repeated instances of rudeness in your adult children without any reason is a cause for concern. Initiate a conversation with them. Ask them what’s wrong. Try to address the reason for Disrespect we mentioned earlier in the article. Opening up this dialogue allows you to learn about what is going on with your adult kid. They may provide knowledge or stressors that you were unaware of that are influencing their conduct.
This should also help you empathise more with their scenario or pressures. When addressing this type of inquiry, it’s critical to keep your cool and be broad-minded. Be receptive to their opinions and listen to their answers. From here, you can start remedying the situation. If you are unable to start a physical conversation, try to write a letter to daughter who is disrespectful. This is just an example. You need to communicate with your children in the manner you think is best and effective.
2. Admit Your Fault and Recognize Childhood Trauma
No one said this conversation would be easy. It might open, deep, neglected wounds. For example, according to research, children with divorced parents have more emotional scars than others. Other examples could be emotional and verbal abuse during childhood. Be prepared to accept whatever they say. You cannot learn how to deal with a disrespectful grown child without admitting your fault. Recognize the pain you might have caused them in childhood. It is significant to seek professional help if the psychological damage is too much.
If you want to mend your relationship, you must accept responsibility for your behaviour. Those activities may have been done to the best of your ability at the time, but if your child believes they were incorrect, it’s acceptable to respect their point of view.
3. Set Boundaries for Yourself when Dealing with Disrespectful Grown Children who Ignore Their Parents
More often than not, handling a Disrespectful Adult child is ugly. It can escalate to a full-blown argument and yelling contest. When you see that your kid is becoming heated, turn around and walk away. It is very important to set boundaries for yourself when Coping with such situations. Respect yourself and tell them that you will not tolerate cursing, yelling and name-calling, etc.
When your adult child criticises you, complains over something, or is continually bothering or bickering with you, consider what you would do if someone other than your child treated you that way. Understandably, your adult child wishes to be self-sufficient. They desire to be able to do anything they want, even if it is self-destructive or detrimental to others. And they will use your parenting errors against you to obtain what they want. None of this implies that you may not have the authority to call them out on their arrogant conduct and impose penalties.
4. Don’t Engage in Power Struggles
It is very easy to end up in a power struggle while arguing with Disrespectful Adult Children. They might feel criticized by you and imagine that you are looking down on them. Since parents of earlier generation have set such high standards for the kids, they feel like a failure. This is one of the reasons why adult kids are Disrespectful to their parents. However, studies show that in Conflicts between parents and children, it’s the parents who get hurt the most. That is why, you need to protect yourself and avoid engaging in any power struggle to show who’s superior.
In fact, you may not know this but intentional arguments and power struggles are some of the main examples of disrespect to parents. This is why, if your grown son is trying to rope you in an argument that will turn into a power struggle, don’t engage.
5. Change your Parenting Style
Outdated parenting styles like permissive, authoritative, submissive, and neglectful leave a deep impression on children. It shapes the person they become in adulthood. If you want your child to be respectful, you need to adopt a friendly behavior towards them. So, guide them in a friendly way and do not leave a gap that can promote them towards the wrong path. Especially, teenage is a sensitive period. In this age, kids don’t like to follow strict rules. Hence, change your Parenting style to one more fitting of a younger generation.
6. Teach them Importance of Respect through Practice
Yes, this is the only way you will win their love and make space in their hearts. If you talk to them respectfully, you will find them easy to handle. Do not disrespect others in front of your children. Be a good role model for them. Before you teach them to become good kids, you’ll need to learn how to be a good parent yourself. They will follow your positive and negative behaviors both.
Young adults usually have a more difficult time articulating themselves without becoming upset. You remember how that went, don’t you? Years of intentional effort are required to learn to temper those impulses with intelligence. And, as patronizing as they might be, you won’t go far with them if you command respect without demonstrating what it looks like. This is one of the best methods on this list of how to deal with a disrespectful grown child.
7. Improve Family Communication by Eliminating Lying
During teenage, it is common for children to start lying to their parents. And, being a parent, you are smart enough to figure out the reason behind it. Parents who lie to their children or threaten them usually lose the trust of their children. Not to mention, it destroys their confidence as well.
A time comes when children start lying to their parents and it becomes a habit. Later, they face great difficulty in meeting social and psychological challenges due to this. Additionally, adjustment difficulties involving manipulative character, selfishness, shame, and guilt create problems and disruptiveness among such children. That’s why parents should know healthy habits for kids and improve Family Communication by promoting truthfulness.
8. Give them the Time and Attention they Deserve
It is a common question, “What do children need from their parents?” The simple answer is, “They need quality time with their parents”. You are very busy with your daily routine but, do not forget that your children need attention. We all know that the affection of parents can improve ethical behavior in children. Preferably, every kid needs one-on-one time with his/her guardian. Other ways to spending time with children includes:
- Learning about their activities.
- Having family time to show your affection.
- Listening to them discuss their routine.
Your friendly company will make them healthy, positive, and creative. It will teach them about ethics and manners. Furthermore, they’ll learn to respect their parents like it’s meant to be.
9. Enhance their Social Skills in Early Development Years
Yes! To avoid their disrespectful behavior, you need to train them in social skills. They need to socialize themselves healthily. Also, allow your children to be expressive and blunt. In this way, they will eventually stop lying. It is vital to keep your children with you. They naturally learn by imitating. Parents should check their behavior and help them handle their problems. In this way, they will be able to meet the challenges in their social life with open arms.
10. Avoid Disrespecting or Humiliating them in front of Others
As a matter of fact, all children are not perfect. They are all born with unique qualities as well as unique disabilities. Do not humiliate them in front of others as this will shatter their hearts and self-esteem into pieces. Majority of parents show their strictness in front of friends and peers of their children. It is not a good practice. Always give importance to your child. It makes them feel respected and develop self-confidence. They’re also less likely to experience anxiety attacks in public.
11. Consider Meeting with a Family Psychologist
There is no harm in trying the assistance of a competent professional therapist to assist you and your grown children in resolving your difficulties. Allow them to see that you’re prepared to modify your routine and perhaps give up something you like simply to discover how to interact with each other. Because you care about them. And, let’s face it, who doesn’t need a decent therapist? A household counselor is qualified to search for warning signs in your familial chemistry as well as to appreciate the positives. It’s worthwhile to take the time to see what a trained stranger sees that you don’t.
Slum children Vs School Going Children
The number of children in slums in USA has been growing exponentially. This number has doubled from 2000 with a reported 13.2 million people living in slums in the USA in 2013. You may be wondering how talking about slums is relevant to the topic at hand. Well, honestly, slum children are far more likely to be disrespectful than children who have grown in relatively better economic conditions.
If your children have been nurtured in slums and now they are adults without any proper education, it will be likely that they are rude towards you. They probably blame you for their less than ideal upbringing and compare themselves with school-going children who are more successful than they are.
On the other hand, school-going children are also prone to disrespect when they grow up but statistically, this is less likely to happen. This is because they recognize their privilege and understand that their parents invested a lot in their education and upbringing. As slum children are less likely to go to school and grow up in ideal conditions, when they grow up and find themselves clueless on how to deal with the world, they will burst.
You have learned well how to deal with a disrespectful grown child. With the above tips, you will feel comfortable to manage this stress. Also, keep it in mind that an ungrateful adult child will not change overnight into a selfless and good human being. But, they will not grow disrespectful at all if parents improve their own behavior and let their children do what they desire. Parents can help their children grow into respectful and well-mannered persons.