If you have a stubborn child, this article is a good pick for you.
The title shouldn’t make you think that only kids tend to be stubborn. Just trace your steps back and you will find the footprints of you being stubborn for the last time. Surprisingly, this could be an incident of yesterday even.
So, being stubborn is not something tied to the children only.
What is Stubbornness?
Dogged, immovable, rigid, bullheaded, and so on comprise a long list of words we use for a stubborn. Dictionaries, however, define it to be an inflexible determination, not to alter one’s behavior or stance.
Is it always bad to be stubborn?
Whenever we think of the word ‘stubborn’, all that comes to mind is a bad-tempered, crying baby. On the other hand, you might imagine a grumpy adult. Just don’t observe everything with the same lens and you will come to know that being obstinate is not always bad.
As a matter of fact, one can be very well-mannered, polite, and stubborn at the same time. It is not always about being bad. They can have a good influence as well and they actually do.
I have gotten lots of results! I know several thousand things that won’t work!” – Thomas Edison
Sounds familiar? One of the greatest scientists, Thomas Edison, was merely ‘stubborn’ enough to invent a lot of technologies. Had he not been consistent enough, he would never have achieved a lot.
Spot The Difference Between Stubborn and Determined
If your child wants to carve his own paths and differs from you, it never means that he is always stubborn. Instead, he could just be determined. It is vital to identify the fine demarcation between the two. Therefore, you need to treat both of the categories in a different manner.
Determined children have their own opinions. They are doers and also tend to ask a lot of questions. Stubborn children, on the other hand, merely stick to their thoughts and are not the doers. They just want to be listened to by all and are not ready to listen to anyone else.
Identifying A Stubborn Child
There are some hints to identify a stubborn child
- A stubborn child tends to seek more attention
- He will throw more tantrums than other children of his age.
- Once he chooses to do something, nothing can stop him.
- Owing to his leadership qualities he shows a bossy attitude.
- He is often very fussy.
Why is my child stubborn?
Stubbornness could be:
- Genetic, it is quite possible that your little one has inherited your obstinacy along with your green eyes.
- Acquired, children imitate what they see. Maybe, they are surrounded by peers who possess these characteristics.
Aggression in children
While stubbornness could have positive colors, aggression comes in only negative form. It is a violent form of behavior that one presents through explosive temperament, fights, harming other beings, breaking objects, etc.
Why is my child so angry and aggressive?
There could be several reasons for this:
- He wants something that you are unable to provide. Moreover, he could have something on his mind that he doesn’t know how to share. It often happens that children tend to channel their emotions by showing aggressive behavior because they find it easy to seek attention this way.
- He is suffering from psychosis.
- The child has bipolar disorder and is going through the maniac phase.
- He could have schizophrenic and the voices in his head are telling him to act like that.
- Aggression is very common when puberty hits. So if your teen has suddenly become a bad-tempered one, there are many chances that the hormones are playing with his mind and body.
How to deal with a stubborn and aggressive child?
Rules and regulations of good parenting demand that you must be aware of your child’s needs and demands. It not only includes meeting their physical demands but also comprises their emotional and psychological needs.
Whenever you go to a doctor, he tries to probe the root cause of your illness. He then looks for the appropriate treatments for the eradication of the disease by the elimination of the possible causes. This is what exactly you are supposed to do.
First of all, identify the reasons behind the deviant behavior of your child. Secondly, discuss the matter in detail with your partner or anyone who is involved in rearing that child. Thirdly, take out solutions to the problems and implement them.
Some practical solutions you can implement on your stubborn child
We are going to present some plausible solutions to deal with your stubborn and aggressive child.
“Trust children. Nothing could be more simple or more difficult. Difficult because to trust children, we must first learn to trust ourselves. And, most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted.”—- John holt.
- Communicate with him. Children love when we listen to them. A stubborn child is more likely to have a very obstinate opinion. So, do it calmly because getting angry at them will only make the situation worse. For example, if your child refuses to eat a certain food, ask him why he is not interested in that food and what else he wants.
- Cooperate with him instead of imposing something on them. This is very important as a stubborn child is more likely to do what you forbid him to. In other words, he would rebel. This attitude is Counter will. So, if it is time to finish homework and your child is watching TV, don’t just order him to switch between the two. Instead, sit by his side and watch with him. Then slowly try to divert his attention towards what you want
- Stay calm while your child shows aggression. I know it is not that easy, but going the other way will only make the situation adverse.
- Do not surrender to his tantrums. This will make him more obstinate as he will think of it as a sure way to get whatever he wants.
- If you have a family history of psychological illness, do consult a child psychiatrist. You may also need a psychologist for him. Even if you do not possess a family history, there still could be a chance.
How to handle an aggressive child in a classroom?
As a teacher, it could be really challenging for you to encounter such a situation. In a classroom or school, the most likely fuss could be a fight.
- Respond to your aggressive student in a calm but firm tone
- When the aggression is over, make him reflect on his own behavior in private. Make him think of the ways he could have dealt with the situation with.
- Inform the parents of the involved students.
- Make the fighters fill a behavior form that should mention that they will not repeat the act in the future.
- When the aggression settles, and the students realize their mistake, make them apologize to each other. This will soothe their feelings on one hand and will prevent future conflicts on the other hand.
The Final Wording
This is never surprising that humans are stubborn by nature and attitude no matter which culture and age they belong to. We, as parents and elders, must try our best to reform a stubborn child, using the right approach and techniques. We should follow both the logical and psychological approaches in this context so that this noble task may be accomplished smoothly and successfully.