Breakups suck. I’ve been there. Whether it ended with a text, a dramatic argument, or one of those “mature” conversations, the pain still hits hard. You start googling things like How much time does it take to move on from a breakup? and reading every thread, hoping someone else’s timeline will match yours. Spoiler: it never really does. One day, I google this and I came to know that breakup duration depend on the intensity and time period of your relationship:
- Mini-breakup (<9 months): 1 to 3 months to heal.
- Mid-breakup (9 months–2 years): 3 to 6 months.
- Big breakup (3–10+ years): 6 to 12 months or longer
I used to believe that mending took longer in relationships that lasted longer. But the truth is, even a short-term fling can break your heart if it meant something real. It’s not about the length, it’s about the depth.
Breakups aren’t just endings, they’re a kind of grief. You’re not only losing a person, but you’re also mourning the future you imagined with them, too. And in a world obsessed with “forever love” and cute looking couples on intagram, not getting your happy ending can feel like a failure. You start missing the little things, their voice, their presence, even the comfort of a simple hug (which, by the way, science says can seriously calm your nervous system and lower stress; different types of hugs actually affect us more than we realize). But here’s the truth: But you’re not broken. You’re healing. And I have listed some real, step by step tips in this article to help you get over a breakup in an honest, healthy way.
How Long Does it Take to Move Over Broken Relationship Memories?
It is not unusual to feel all sorts of emotions: sadness, rejection, anger, embarrassment, elation, anxiety, excitement, guilt, remorse – or pretty much all of these at the same time. This assortment of feelings often shows up randomly, off and on, after a bad breakup, making you ask yourself over and over again, “how long does heartbreak last for someone who genuinely loved their ex?”
Memories in a breakup are always hurtful whether good or bad. Starting from the very first memory of how you two met each other, how things slowly unfolded, how you fell in love and how you genuinely believed you were a match made in heaven. Even the smallest details start to ache: the late-night talks, shared jokes, and the quiet physical closeness, like the ways you used to hold hands, each one carrying its own comfort, meaning, and unspoken promise. Somehow, it’s these little memories that stay with you the longest and make letting go feel so much harder.
The weekday routine of work supporting each other, keeping track and later on motivating each other to build a career. Getting up early on happy Saturday mornings and getting ready to meet, followed by the excitingly charming Sunday dinners. Arrghhh! It really does hurt alot…
What I can tell you though is that you will get over it. It might not feel that way at the moment. Especially if you were together for a year or longer, it may take weeks or even months to feel less heartbroken.
Eventually, though, you will be able to move on. You will get to a point where you look back on the relationship with fondness or ‘Urgh, what was I thinking?’ and both reactions are normal. Part of healing is also recognizing what didn’t work, like boundaries that were crossed or behaviors you wouldn’t accept again. Understanding things like disrespect in a relationship and how it affects a person emotionally can help you see your past more clearly and protect your future better.
Practical Tips (I did) to Heal my Broken Heart
Here, let me share some tips to help me to went through the end of a toxic relationship. You must learn how to heal from a breakup, and how long it takes to do this. Some of these suggestions are simple, while some may take a bit of work to recover from a breakup.
1. Give yourself Time to Grieve
As we mentioned above, the feelings that you experience at the end of a relationship can be very similar to grief. Grief is being upset about losing someone – and that’s exactly what a relationship is. Learning how to heal from a breakup is like learning how to deal with the loss of a loved one in death.
You are losing a significant part of your life. They are your lover, your friend, someone that you confide in, and perhaps someone you live with. Even if you haven’t been together for long, they will have been a part of your daily life and suddenly, they aren’t. You need to give yourself time to grieve over that loss in the same way you would grieve over death.
It is absolutely fine to experience mixed emotions too. Just because you feel great and ‘over it’ one day and then sadness the next, it does not mean you are going backward. It is an entirely normal process. Adding the distress of trying to keep your feelings in order will only worsen things.
2. Delete Your EX’s Number
You might have separated amicably and declared you are going to remain friends – but let’s face it, in most breakups, it just doesn’t happen like that. In some cases, you may be friends, but the transition from a romantic and sexual partner into friendship does not happen overnight. It takes time. You also need to consider that if you do stay in contact with friends how you feel and how you will react if they meet someone new.
Delete their number; for now, anyway. You can also get hold of it and add it again later. By deleting their number, you won’t be as likely to send them that late-night drunken text that you will regret the next day. And you ALWAYS regret it. So, how long does it take to get over a breakup? If you stay away from your ex for a while, you will have a better idea.
3. Have a Social Media Purge
If you have photos or other mementos of your ex around the house, you have probably taken them down and put them away. But what about your social media? Facebook Memories might throw up all the photos of you during happier and more loved-up times, and you may find yourself anxiously refreshing your ex’s page to see what they are up to. It’s hard to understand how to get over someone.
While normal, it’s not healthy and it is not going to help you get over them. It is absolutely fine to unfriend, unfollow or hide them, for as long as you need to. On the other hand, if you’re not sure about the breakup, storing photos in a safe place where you don’t have to see them every time you use your phone will also work.
If for some reason, you reconnect with your ex, you will still have some of your favorite photos. But I stress, you don’t need to look at them right now, so you must put them away or throw them out. It’s your choice. Sometimes, reminding yourself that love can still exist in a pure form, like the idea behind unconditional love quotes, can help you accept the past without clinging to it.
4. Friends Can Help you to Get Over Someone
When it comes to getting over the end of a relationship, you have two choices. You can stay at home moping or get on with life as best as you can. You do need to give yourself time to grieve and get over someone. However, staying in, drinking too much alcohol, and sobbing away is not going to help you to move on. Instead, keep busy.
If you used to spend Saturday nights snuggled watching a film together, make plans to go out with your friend for a cocktail. Dress up, put on a brave face, and have some fun. Many of us also tend to neglect friendships when we are in a relationship. This can be a great chance to reconnect. Make sure that you only spend time with people who make you feel the best version of yourself though. Stay away from soul suckers!
5. Don’t Go Anywhere Near the Hairdressers
Or, if you do, think very carefully before you do anything drastic!
As Coco Chanel famously said, “a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life“. For many women and men, cutting hair after a breakup can feel cathartic, like you are shedding dead weight. If you are experiencing the huge adjustments and changes that often accompany a separation, cutting or doing something drastically different to your hair can make you feel like you have some control back.
However, while the hair does grow back, it can take a long time. When you are emotionally vulnerable, you can make decisions that are not always the most sensible. Your pixie cut or shaved head might feel great for a short time, but as your emotions begin to even out, you could come to regret it. There are less drastic ways to change the way you look just to get over someone. Why not try being more active or being creative instead. You can try your hand at painting, and this can color a canvas instead of permanently changing the color or look of your hair.
Conclusion
Listen, if you want to recover from a bad breakup, then it’s going to take time, patience, and hey, even a little distraction to keep you emotionally healthy. But never bottle it up. When the sad feelings come, it is always best to just let them be. Cry if you need to, or even go in a safe place and scream a few times. And as you start to rebuild your emotional foundation, it helps to reflect on what you truly need and won’t compromise on non-negotiables in a relationship, which can make your next chapter stronger and clearer. Just remember, this too will pass.
